Mel’s Hole (No Not That One)

Recently on route to the airport, my dad told me about a bunch of Coast to Coast AM stories giving me new topics to chat about here on ACC which is very necessary to push down that horrific post I wrote about human tails below!! I have to admit that was the first time I have ever grossed myself out with one of my own blog posts. I’m sure I’ve grossed out many of you before but this was the first time for me!

First we will talk about Mel’s Hole. I know, it already sounds sick and disturbing but we are not talking about that assholio Mel Gibson’s hellmouth. Sidebar I just heard those cray tapes. DEMON!! How can someone who made the 90’s tear jerkers Los Mang Without a Face and Forever Young be such a dick!!

Sorry to digress into celeb gossip up in here for a mome. Mel’s Hole actually refers to a giant mysterious hole a man named Mel Waters discovered on his land in eastern Washington state. It apparently has infinite depth and brings dead animals back to life. SAY WUT.

The hole was on the land before Mel had it, and people would throw their old garbage and refrigerators down there but it never filled up. Animals wouldn’t go near it and a neighbor of Mel’s supposedly threw his dead dog down it only to see the same dog running in the woods later. MLORD PET CEMETARY STATUS!!!

Mel wanted to do some tests so he first tied some Life Savers candy onto a string and lowered it 1500 ft to see if there was any water below that would dissolve the candy. He pulled it up after awhile and the candy remained intact except all of the pineapple ones were missing!!! Just kidding about the last part. THEN he dropped fishing line FIFTEEN MILES LONG into the hole and still hadn’t reached the bottom. Around this time he went on Coast to Coast to tell his tale. Afterwards too much cray happened… the govs seized his property, paid him 250k per month for it, moved him to Australia, then he came back, got beat up and his teeth removed (by the gov prob), was invited to an Injun reservation in Nevada to talk about plants pero he ends up finding ANOTHER HOLE that is almost exactly identical to the one found on his land back home. PLE WHAT?! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?

The injuns lowered a sheep into the second hole and when they brought it back up it was dead but the insides were COOKED. They cut it open and inside was a seal-like creature with BIG CARIBBEAN BLUE HUMAN EYES!!!!!!! Obviously I think of something like this lil’ guy…

They all have a staring game with the creature until it gives them a look like “Later, James Spader” and jumps back into the hole. WAT IS GOING ON !?!

They also find some sort of ice-like material inside the hole except its HOT and on FIYAH. One mang brings it back to his house to warm his stove and the fire never goes out. Any moisture near the material is sucked out so the man was PARCHED and had dry skin (and probably dandruff)

So obviously I am finding all of this hard to believe. Having one giant hole in your backyard is one thing, but ALL OF THIS!! Also some things to note…Mel found a red envelope containing some old dimes with Roosevelt minted on them and the date 1943…HOWEVER, that was before those dimes were minted. Someone said “PARALLEL UNIVERSE?!” Apparently the same dimes were found on the reservation at one point.

Now the one weird thing that makes me want to hold the phone and press rewind is during one of his interviews Mel asks Art Bell (Coast to Coast mang) if he has heard of the terraserver which was like Google Earth in the late 90’s-00’s. Listeners lurked it and saw a blank spot where Mel’s property would have been!!!!! MOMMA MIA!!!

The last anyone has heard from Mel was in 2002. There are plenty more tidbits to this story that you can read here. Other people have tried searching for the hole but nothing has been found. So who knows if this is real but the terraserver thing is pretty freaky no? If this isn’t real whoever made this story up should work in Hollywood because this story is AWESOME and way better than all these lazy remakes. Anyway, I want to believe there are giant scary holes in the world other than Paris Hilton’s snatchola. And if I found one I would toss some things in it too such as:

• Ugg boots
• Crocs
• Men I’ve slept with
• Speidi
• Lil Kim’s plastic surgeon

What would you throw into Mel’s hole?